Joke Page

some of my favorites...

Dirty Ernie

A substitute kindergarten teacher arrives at school for her first day of teaching. While she is talking with the other teachers, they warn her about Ernie. "He has got the dirtiest mouth on a 6yr old you have ever heard", one teacher says. Another adds, "whatever you do, don't call on him to answer any questions!"  After all the students have settled down, the teacher says, "OK class, today we are going to do word association. I will say a letter in the alphabet, then call on one of you to give me a word that starts with that letter." So she starts with the letter A. Ernie is in the back of the classroom waving his hand, "I got one, I got one!" The teacher remembers the warning she got and picks Little Sarah instead. Sarah stands up and says, "A - apple."  The teacher says, "Very good, Sarah!"  The next letter she calls is B. Once again Ernie jumps up and says, "i got one, I got one!" Still the teacher doesn't call on him. Instead, she picks Timmy. He stands up and says, "B - baseball."  "Excellent!" the teacher tells Timmy.  So as she goes on down through the alphabet, Ernie jumps up at every letter wanting a turn. Finally the teacher gets to the letter R. She has given all the other children a turn and can't think of anything nasty that would begin with the letter R. So she decides to give Ernie a chance. "OK, Ernie," she says, "What's your word?" Ernie stands up as proud as can be and says, "R - RATS!.... Great big c**ksuckers with tails a f**kin foot long!"

A busful of nuns crashes and they all die. They find themselves all standing in line at the Pearly Gates. St.Peter asks the first one to step up. He asks her, "Have you ever touched a penis?" The nun reluctantly replies, "Well, I touched one with my finger once."  St. Peter tells her, "Then dip your finger in the Holy water here, and step through the gates."  He asks the next nun in line the same question. The nun tells him, "I did stroke one with my hand once."  St.Peter tells her to dip her whole hand in the Holy water and then step through the gates. In the meantime, a nun from near the back of the line is pushing and shoving her way to the front. When she gets to the front of the line, St.Peter asks her, "what's your hurry?" She say, "Well  if I'm going to have to gargle with that Holy water, I want to do it before Sister Mary here sticks her ass in it!"

A blonde decides one day she'd like to try horse-back riding. On her way home from shopping, she stops to give it a go. As soon as she cilmbs aboard the horse, it takes off at a full gallop. It isn't long before she finds herself sliding out of the saddle. She tries her best to hang on but continues to lose her seat. She grabs the horse around the neck, but to no avail; she falls from the saddle. On her way to the ground, her foot gets caught in the stirrup and she is now being dragged along at top speed, with her head bouncing along the ground. Just as she is certain she is going to lose consciousness, the K-mart manager walks over and unplugs it.

UNDER CONSTRUCTION

HOME